Everyone had heard about prenuptial agreements, but usually because people are in the middle of a divorce and fighting over it. However, a prenuptial can be an wonderful way to start your life together. (Reminder: I am an Ohio lawyer giving you general information. You should seek the advice of an attorney for your particular situation.)
The first problem is how to start the dialogue for a prenuptial agreement with your future spouse. No one wants to talk about what we will do if we get divorced, because getting divorced is the last thing you are thinking about while picking out wedding cake and wedding favors. (However, if the stress of this makes you think of running, that is understandable.) However, a prenuptial agreement is a way to make sure that you will be fair to the person you love even if the marriage thing doesn't work. One suggestion for bringing it up is to initially bring up the idea of prenuptial agreements (I heard that so-and-so got a prenuptial agreement; what do you think of that?) Maybe your fiance is also thinking about a prenuptial agreement and hasn't had the nerve to bring it up.
It is important to remember that a prenuptial agreement is a two way street: it is designed to protect your assets and your fiance's assets. You could probably identify some items of your fiance's that should be protected as well, such as a savings account or retirement account. A prenuptial agreement is a mutual agreement so that you enter the marriage with a firm understanding about where you are and maybe even where you want to be.
The dialogue for a prenuptial should include identifying each others assets and even talking about what the plans are for them. If, for example, your fiance is planning to sell a premarital asset such as a house, you can talk about whether that is going to be maintained as separate property or if you plan to consolidate assets to acquire a new house together. That might even lead to conversations about expectations regarding children, how to raise the children, financial plans (especially your philosophies about saving and spending money). If you are planning to get married, you should be able to discuss these intimate things with each other openly, honestly and lovingly. While many of these items are not typically identified in a prenuptial agreement (although I have seen some where they are), it is still great to have this discussion.
Once you have had the discussion, it is important that you retain counsel. You each should get different counsel, but the two of you should have a pretty good idea of how you want the prenuptial set up. This will save you time and money. One lawyer can prepare the prenuptial for you and the other can just review it for your fiance. You can even agree to split the costs if you want. Considering the time that can be involved in arguing over separate property if there is a divorce, and considering that you should be sharing this financial information with each other prior to getting married anyway, the cost of doing a prenuptial agreement is really minimal.
When you go to the lawyer, have an outline of the agreement ready to show the lawyer. Sometimes the lawyer may raise issues you haven't thought of. A lawyer can also explain how to deal with things that are ongoing, such as the 401(k) that you have been investing in and plan to continue to invest in. As always, come to the lawyer with a list of questions that the two of you have. Have your fiance go to a different lawyer to establish a relationship, but decide between the two of you which lawyer will actually write the agreement and which will review it for you.
For more information, or if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at 614-564-6500 or pamela.makowski@gmail.com. Also feel free to check out my website: http://www.makowskilaw.com/.
I really liked this post - well-written about a very touchy subject. Keep up the good work. Hope you do not mind me adding you to my blogroll.
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